Wouldn't it be nice to drive around with you on a rainy Sunday morning
Sit beside you on the passenger seat while the radio is playing
Wouldn't it be nice if I held your hand, in between shifting gears
I would drown my eyes with your beauty, I refuse to blink.
If I blink I know this would all disappear and I'm back to reality
I am not the one you're with, she's the one in your passenger seat
It will be her hand you hold in the car while the windows are rolled down
My eyes would only drown in tears, you will never be mine.
August 15, 2016
You said I am relentless
I didn't like taking no for an answer
I was always the one so eager to say "hello"
And the one who disliked saying "goodbye"
You said I liked kisses way too much
And that I am, often times, sensitive
I stubbornly cross, set boundaries
I was never really good with restraint
You should know me quite well by now
I never hold back,I choose to give my all
I wear no facades, I am diaphanous
No need for reading between the lines
I am the plain scrawny texts in an open book
I am every paragraph, question mark, period and exclamation point
You should only hold me in your hands for a minute
And soon enough you'll find the words, I love you.
August 14, 2016
I didn’t see it was necessary
Goodbye is a word that does not have to be said
It is something you feel that is forth coming
Your steps, they were even and slowly
It wasn’t necessary, it prolongs the inevitable
Fleeting is more of than adjective to describe you in my life
It’s a fact that I would have to live with for the rest of my days
My tears , you will never see them
As long as you continue walking and never look back
My heart, it will never be mine to claim
It’s something for you to give back, if you ever come back to me.
"Looks like no rain today.’ she thought.
She was kicking stones as she walked pass Victorian houses. She is a block away from the park, where she is headed.
‘This seems to be a great day to fall in love’, she said to herself.
The air smelled of spring, like the flowers were swimming in it and the color of rainbow painted the scene. She sat on the park bench looking at her clock. She is going to meet him finally. They have spent nearly 6 months talking and chatting and it just felt right to confirm to herself’ if she would feel exactly the same after meeting Tim, although she already knew she would. She came a few minutes early and she hated it. She didn’t want to give him the impression that she was overly excited to see him. But she can’t go back now or hide behind the bushes to wait for him to arrive, when she is already there.
“That would be so childish,” she muttered to herself.
It was 5 minutes past 3 o’clock, he was late and she started “whatifing”. What if he never shows up? What if he really didn’t like her and he just agreed to meet but never planned on going. What if he was already here, just hiding behind the bushes making sure she is exactly as she looked in the pictures? Another five minutes passed and now instead of feeling worried, she felt mad. How could he stand her up like this? Six long months gone to waste. How could she have been fooled that easily? He seemed so real. It felt so real, whatever it is they had. She decided to wait for another 10 minutes, give him the benefit of the doubt. If he doesn’t show up then no matter what good the reason, she would have to delete him from her friends list, that way she wouldn’t have to talk to him ever again and listen to what would possibly be just a bunch of excuses he would give her; that is if he even decides to keep talking to her. She went home after another 30 minutes of waiting and went straight to her room to cry. She must have cried herself to sleep; the next thing she knew she woke up the following morning with sunlight in her eyes. She didn’t feel like working so she called in sick, she really felt sick anyways. She called her boss and went back to bed but thought that she should get to deleting his name from her messenger. As she opened her messenger she was notified that she had several unread messages. One of which, the e-mail address, she did not really recognize. The e-mail with the name of the unfamiliar sender went like this:
You do not know me but I have been quite familiar with you. Timothy talks about you a lot, I am his roommate. Perhaps he mentioned me once in a while in your conversations. I want you to know that he didn’t plan on not showing up. He wanted so much to finally see you. I went with him to the flower shop; he bought you a dozen yellow roses. He said it was your favorite. I guess there is no good way to break the news, so hear it goes. Tim passed away, 3 hours before I sent this. It all happened so fast, we left the flower shop and as he was crossing the street on his way to your meeting place he got run over by a speeding car. He barely made it to the hospital alive but after an hour the doctor pronounced him dead. I don’t want you to think that he bailed out on you. He cared deeply about you; I could tell he loved you. His remains will be in the chapel near our dwelling. It is my wish that you see him, I know it would be his wish as well.
Sam could barely breathe in between sobs. He’s gone. To think she was furious at him for not coming. She blamed herself for telling him she loved yellow roses. She blamed herself for agreeing to meet that day, she could have told him to meet on a Saturday. She did not waste any more time and went to find the chapel. She had always known where he lived as he did her. She stood at the door of the chapel and as soon as she saw his coffin a lump formed in her throat. It was so hard to swallow. A fairly tall guy looked at her and she knew instantly that it was James. James held in his hand a dozen mangled yellow roses. She almost choked on her tears as he handed her the flowers. She ever so slowly walked towards where Tim lay. How sad that this has come to be the first and the last time she would ever see him again.
May 21, 2009
I hear the thunder roll
With the crackling of lightning
As the clouds slowly spilled their tears
It started with a drizzle
Like tiny million tear drops
Kissing the earth as it descends
It was like an orchestra
Listening to the tempest
As it scales to a mighty crescendo
The sound of wet rain
Lightly tapping on the roof
Compliments this nature’s phenomena
The wind howled like its’ maestro
As audience peer through their windows
In sheer wonder and awe
The trees are watching
And seems to stand in ovation
Slightly bending with the wind
I stand on the balcony
Joining natures’ orchestra
With rain falling from my eyes
April 23, 2009
I chose to walk down this road
Named Brokenhearted Street
Right on the corner stood a small tavern
Named “Fading Heart Beat”
Maybe I could go in, drown my sorrow
With a midnight bottle or two
And get a chance to talk to someone
Who would have the same sentiment as I do
Get to really know each other
And find treasure in a poignant place
Discover the love that we have been longing for
And our pain will dissolve without a trace
April 1, 2009
She looks at the woman, with the dark ember hair
Her face was one she has known all her life
But now barely recognize with all the tears
They stream down like dew drops
Falling from a burdened leaf
Gracefully gliding onto her pale sullen face
She tries to talk to the woman standing in front her
And ask, “Why can’t you stop crying?”
She knows she would never get an answer
Instead the woman wept on
She raises her hand to wipe the woman’s tears
But all she can touch was
Her reflection on the mirror
February 11, 2009
Maybe if I convinced
Myself hard enough
Then I would believe
Whatever it is I say
If I keep telling myself that you
Mean nothing at all to me
Then I might just fall for it
Trouble is, will my heart fall
For the same trick
Would it believe
That the pain gripping it
Really does not exist?
Will it shut its eyes close
To the blatant fact
That you are who it beats for?
I know how to fool myself
But how do l fool my heart?
I look at the enormous ocean before me
Far in the distance I can see
A million blinking lights
Like tiny little diamonds
From across the land where
People are now deep in slumber
Below a blanket of
Luminous celestial bodies
That is seems to mimic
Pasted across a somber sky
It must have been an hour
Since I’ve been standing
Atop this lighthouse
This used to be our rendezvous
A place where the only words
That existed was you and I
We painted our future in this place
The waves our blank slate
Your words the binding ink
That gave a promise of forever
But now these paintings
Just drown in my head
Wallowing in unshed tears
That I’ve been keeping inside
The wind was cruelly nippy
That my heart froze
This tower used to be
Our kingdom and refuge
Where you crowned and then
Dethroned me as your queen
I am no longer your queen
Nor of this lighthouse
But you will forever reign
In my heart.
The sun is setting,
In an almost perfect sky.
I drag my sand sunken foot
One after the other.
Walking, towards the shore.
I sit and stare
At the wonder before me.
Golden shadows fading
Across the horizon.
Alas, the night is coming.
I look back at my work of art.
My sandy snow man;
Looking back at me.
I swallow the lump; that has
Started to form in my throat.
43 days to go and counting
I’m not looking forward,
To a Christmas without you.
I Miss You
“I miss you.”
The flower said to the rain
It’s been several months
Since she drank of its sweetness
And the rain touched her petals
The flower looked up to the sky
Wishing the sky wasn’t so bright
The cloud is fluffy white as cottons
There is no chance for downpour this morning
She can feel her insides drying up
Parched and famished for rain
She won’t be with her loving rain any time soon
She looks up again
Blocking the sun with her leaf
Hoping to catch a glimpse of rain
Her leaves barely swaying with the wind
She is wilting.
Whisper to her
A lonely message
As the cold wind sings
A sad love song
Filling the air with a
Sense of melancholy
The lyrics, nonexistent
Yet it sounded so sad
The birds stopped and perched
On twigs and branches
They want to listen to
The haunting melody
That only, she,
Can seem to hear
She closes her eyes
Internalizing the messages
That the wind croons
The leaves murmur his name
To her ear, she smiles faintly
Wanting to sing with the wind
But she can’t
A single tear
Trickle down her face
One last tear to shed
For a love, never hers
But owned her heart
The sun no longer shines on me.
It hasn’t been, for the longest time.
I’m void of its warmth.
The cheerful yellow rays unknown to me
For days now,
Since your love has wane.
I see less of you as I see less of the sun.
It seems to be telling me,
I should prepare...
For a lifetime of winter.
The moon hovers above a star filled sky
Casting shadows of gold, as I walk barefoot on the sand
From a distance I can see a form of what was a sandcastle
Subtly brushed away by the cold evening wave
The wind blew across my face, as I held myself tighter
Remembering the warmth of his touch against my skin
I thought he would be holding me forever
Lock me in his arms and never let go, at least not easily
My heart aches, threadbare, barely beating
So much for the love that was once, it will never be
It is his loss, a chance of a lifetime he had passed up
For a love that could have been
The best thing that ever happened to him
But it turns out that his love was just as sturdy
As that sandcastle against the raging sea.
Over my Head, Over my Heart
I hated that fact that
He could make me so happy
Hated even more that
He could make me sad
I hate the way he would smile,
- That smile
It melts my heart and impairs my reasoning.
Wish I could be strong under his gaze.
I shouldn’t break,
but he bends me so easily.
How dare him think he could get away
With just a smile.
How dare him think it’s alright
To make someone feel so good
Yet bad at the same time.
Don’t make me want this.
Don’t make me feel this way.
Don’t make me do this.
Don’t look at me that way.
I know you know, You’ll win
Over my head,
And over my heart
Every single time.
It’s not right to make me sad.
“Tic-tock” says the clock
Another minute past it’s ticking hand.
60 seconds of your absence
adding into the hours,
where I have waited for you.
I know you didn’t tell me to wait.
But I sit here looking
Left and right
Hoping to chance a glimpse of you,
Walking my way with a stance so sure.
But clueless of what you do to this girl
“Tick-tock” says the clock
It’s way past three
I stand up from this weathered bench
Head held low
Brushing shoulders with strangers
On my quest to stop
Waiting here for you.
Going in circles around in her head
Confused and dazed
Don’t know which path to take
She has been here before
Over a hundred times
Yet the feeling seems new
Unfamiliar and unknown
But inside a memory lingers
Past events evoke feelings
Emotions that are gripping her being
Engulfed in a capsule
Dizzy with the taste of longing
Hungry for the warmth of another
Her heart skipping a beat
As she stares at his footprints
Another almost love gone forever
She bites her lips in regret
And closes her heart once again
She goes in circles around her head
Still confused and dazed
Regretting the path she took
What Should I Do
I know you love her and you don’t love me
I know that some things are just not meant to be
I know the reason for the tears that I cried
I know that the pain I feel will never subside
I know that you care, and it’s all you can do
I know that you didn’t mean to break my heart in two
I know you never intended to hurt my heart and me
I know that friends are all we could be
I know, but then what should I do
Even if I know I still am in love with you
I was crying last night
While I can him smiling
His heart seemed so alive
While mine is dying
I was feeling the pain
While he felt none
He lives life anew
While mine is gone
I loved him still
While he never loved me
He treated me as a friend
But that’s not what I wanted to be
I was going insane
He was so in control
He acted like a heart breaker
I played the “broken hearted” role
I was hiding the pain
While he has none to hide
He never shed a tear
Mine will never subside
I’m in love with him
While he’s in love with her
His heart is in one piece
Mine is torn to pieces like paper
Is it wrong to be in love with you?
Is it wrong to feel this way?
Tell me what am I to do
If the feeling doesn’t want to go way
So many times I’ve tried to forget you
So many time but I just can’t
I tell them that it’s not true
But the truth just can’t be bent
Tell me is it wrong for me to cry
Ever time you cross my mind
Should I let this feeling die?
Or let the tears fall ‘til I go blind
In the stillness of the night
Something is breaking in tow
The heart of a girl is shattering
All because she loved you
It’s not her fault
But why is she the one to blame
She never wanted to feel this way
‘Cause she knows you don’t feel the same
Now she’s paying the price
For falling in love with you
Tonight this girls’ heart
Is breaking in two
And as it breaks
She’ll be writing this poem
In the middle of the night
Her heart breaks in solemn.
To Whom It May Concern
To Whom It May Concern my heart’s broken in two
And it happened my friend when I fell in love with you
To Whom It May Concern I feel my world falling apart
Each time I feel the pain, each time it starts
To Whom It May Concern, I feel like crying now
I want to get over him but I don’t know how
To Whom It May Concern, I feel like I want to die
And just to tell you frankly, I really don’t know why
To Whom It May Concern, I can feel the tears coming
And it won’t be long until its starts falling
To Whom It May Concern, I don’t know what to do
No matter how I shake it of, I’m still in love with you
To Whom It May Concern, I can’t take it anymore
I felt so much pain when my heart broke on the floor
To Whom It May Concern, I don’t know what else to say
But it doesn’t matter you might not want to hear me anyway
To Whom It May Concern, I know that he doesn’t love me
That’s why I guess, it’s hard to face reality
To Whom It May Concern, I fell in love with my best friend
And when the feeling started, my world came to an end
When I Fell In Love with You
I’ve loved you for so long my friend, but I guess you didn’t know
I’ve wanted to tell you all this time that I really love you soSometimes I feel that I would die, when you tell me that you love herI feel my heart being ripped part like it was some piece of paper
I ask myself how you can be so blind, not knowing what I feel for you
Are you that numb not to know that you’re breaking someone’s heart in two?
The tears you saw in my eyes was not caused by him, but, by you
I just pretend he’s the one I love, because I didn’t know what to do
It just tears me up inside that I can’t make you love me too
Maybe you do but it’s not in the way I wanted you toSo as long as you don’t love me, I will remain just a friendAs long as you love someone else, my heart will remain broken ‘til the endAnd if ever she breaks your heart, remember mine is broken tooAnd it happened not so long ago when I fell in love with you.
I can’t pretend that the pain is not for real and that my heart isn’t breaking
I can’t pretend that I don’t love him and that I don’t feel like dying
I can’t pretend that I am happy and that soon I’ll be alright
I can’t pretend that the tears are not falling and that they’re out of sight
I can’t pretend that the dream is not over and that I don’t feel any pain
I can’t pretend that I’m doing fine and I’m not going insane
I can’t pretend that I’m not hurting and I can easily make a start
I can’t pretend that he loves me too and that he didn’t break my heart
I can’t pretend that he doesn’t love her and that he is still free
I can’t pretend that I’m inside his heart and he wants to be with me
I can’t pretend and no I will not play the game of charades
I'll just let the pain consume me and hope it slowly fades
Crying like rain
I feel my heart breaking as I cry with the rain
I felt my hands shaking, when I felt the pain
As the raindrops fall in the still ground
Then I started to recall how your goodbye, did sound
So simply said, was the word, yet it hurt me so
Because love’s not like a bird that’s easy to let go
And when you left me you took with you my heart
And I can’t get it back you see, for we’re already apart
Now the rain is over yet I can’t help but cry
I hope someday I can recover, I hope someday the pain will die.
After the Break-up
He left while I stayed
He decided while I prayed
He forgot but I remembered
He gave up but I never surrendered
He said he loved while I still do
He said “goodbye”, I said “I love you”
He moved not while I cried
His heart lives while mine died
He felt so little pain, I felt so much
He can live without me; I can’t live without his touch
He has let go, I still held on
He has a new life, mine is gone.
You promised then you’ll never go
Then why are we apart
You said to me, “I love you so”
But why did you break my heart
You said back then “I’ll never hurt you”
Then why am I feeling this pain
You promised me I’ll never shed a tear
Yet they are falling down like rain
So many promises spoken
And now all of them are broken
So many days gone by
Since we said the word “goodbye”
Living in a Memory
It’s hard to live when the one you live for is gone
Though you want him back you can’t undo what’s already done
He’s made up his mind and he’ll mouth the painful word “goodbye”
And when he does you’ll feel the tears coming and then all you’ll do is cry
When he’s turned his back from you and, away, he started to walk
You would want to say “don’t go” but you’d find that you can’t talk
And when he’s out of sight, then you will sense your world shaking
When you realize that it’s over then you’ll feel your heart breaking
Each day you’ll feel the pain of living, only, with what he’s left of you
Millions of memories and a heart that he has broken in two
Though you want so much to forget you’ll find it hard to do
Because of the fact that you can’t, for your heart won’t let you
You know it’s hard but you find yourself indulging with his memorys
Yesterday is dead and there’s nothing you can do but feel sorry
Someday you’ll realize that you can’t lock yourself up in the past
You have to move on and forget if you don’t want the pain to last.
So I’ll Go
I did all I can just to be your friend. Even if it means I should have to live a lie. I did it because I have to, because i love you and for the sake of our friendship. I’ve treasured our friendship very well. Treating it like a fragile crystal while you on the other hand just took it for granted. Yet I continued to love you and be your friend. I gave you love with no questions of having it requited. What I got back though was something unbearable, something called pain. I did everything to make you happy even if it cost me my own. Now I think I want to take back the friendship, since right from the start you could never be just my friend, because you were more than that. So now I’ll go away with the friendship and my heart.
The Night of October 1st
There she stood that night of October first, right beside the boy I love. His arm was around her shoulder when he introduced her to me. I was able to force a smile but inside I can feel my heart was already crying. I knew I had to go out of the room because it won’t be too long that my eyes would be damp in tears. I played that scene over and over again in my mind and each time, I pictured it my heart grimaced in pain. All my life, I wanted to be in the place where she stood that night, beside him, and play the part of the girl he loved. Whoever said that “when you wish upon a star you’re dreams come true”? I’ve tried to wish for it, I’ve done it close to a million times to almost a million stars and yet I’m still in plain old me. I’m still just his friend. I asked myself why he can’t dismiss me as just someone he values for friendship and nothing more. No answers came to my mind. There were so many questions but the answers were so few.
I felt the most painful pain any girl could ever feel in her entire life that night…. the pain of having a broken heart. My heart had long been broken by him but one way or another it broke into even more minute pieces, making it so much harder for me to put it back together. That night reality stood before me, in the form of another girl, the girl he loved. Fate has the most painful way of rubbing things in and reminding me of the one thing I want to forget. She doesn’t know how lucky she is for having his heart and for not being in my shoes.
I would never forget that night for it created a wound that would sure to leave a scar in my heart to remind me of that time, that night of October first when I saw the girl that he loved.
Another Christmas is nearing and just like the past Christmases, she hasn’t been feeling quite as festive as all the other people are. In her mind she knows that this Christmas would not be so different from the past one’s she’s had. Nothing has changed, not even her Christmas wish. Yes she has been making the same old wish for ages now and she has no intentions in changing it, until now.
She grew tired of writing the same wish on a piece of paper addressed to Santa Clause. She had finally realized that there’s no one, not even Mr. Clause can do, to make the boy she loves, love her back. Instead she will only wish for his happiness, that’s what she always wanted him to be in the first place. Instead of wishing for his heart she would just wish for his friendship for she knows that he has already given it to someone else. Now for her own personally wish, she would ask Mr. Clause to give her a heart, no not his heart, but a new heart in replace for the one that has been broken for a long time now.
More Than A Friend
I’ve been trying hard to forget the pain that is lurking behind my heart, waiting to gang up on me and remind me of the boy I love who broke my heart. But how can I forget when remembering comes more easily for me. I’ve told myself a million times to get him out of my mind, but it would be of no use for he will still be in my heart…. with that I can no longer argue. There is no way that I can banish him from my heart, for there his name is embossed so deeply. There are nights I lay wide awake going through the pages of my book of memories and I find tears cascading down my cheeks because of the realization that of all memories he has given me, not once did he love me the way I loved him… more than a friend.
Love Shouldn’t Hurt
Love shouldn’t hurt they say, but then again every rule has an exemption, because with him it does. Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel the word everyone is making a big fuss about, so then I wouldn’t get hurt. Love is the most pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life and believe me it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Half the time you’d just be crying the other half wiping the tears and in between those a few smiles. I myself used to think that when you’re in love, you’d hear the birds singing but the only thing I heard was the hollow echo in my being. I thought the sky would turn blue but it turned gray and rained on me. I thought that my eyes would be sparkling with joy but it only glistened with the tears.
Why do we have to love someone who could never love us back and why do we dream when we know that those we have woven will cease to be but a dream? I’m not saying that love is a bad thing, it never is. What’s bad is when you fall in love and the person does not fall in love back. I wish that someday I could be in love again without having to shed a single tear and I wish that if I do, love would not hurt as bad.
A Secret Unfolding
I’ve always kept my love for you a secret. I’ve always hidden it inside my heart making sure all the time that it’s locked. But just like any other secret mine was unfolded yet I denied, pretended and made believe that my heart is a stranger to you. I didn’t want you to know because I was afraid that you would change. You’re my best friend and everyone knows it isn’t right to feel this way for you. I was like an actress playing the part of a girl who doesn’t love you, delivering dialogues that would leave no clue or give away my real feelings. But I know you weren’t convinced with my acting, you didn’t buy it. How can I blame you when I was so transparent in spite of my efforts of hiding the love? It hurt me a lot to know that you knew I love you and yet do nothing about this pain I’m feeling. Probably you don’t know that you’re already hurting me. How could you not though when you’re the source of all this pain. Many times the tears fell and you were there to wipe it away, but for me it wasn’t enough. I wanted you to stop the tears from falling, not just brush them away, by loving me. I never thought that a day would come that I would unlock my heart and reveal the secret I’ve kept for such a long time. There was no choice it was too late for me. I have already turned the key. I was hesitant but I thought the pain it would bring would not be as worse than having all the pent up emotions caged inside. I confessed my love for you not caring if you will see the tears I’ve long kept from falling. You held me close and then I knew everything would be all right. You understood me and said that nothing is going to change between us. You have proven in all sense of the word that you are a true friend. I love you and I want to thank you for letting me. I really don’t wish anymore for you to love me back because I know deep inside you do, maybe just not in the exact way I hoped you would. I’m now happy with the way things are, the pain is still there but not as gnawing as before. I don’t regret having told you my secret. It made me realize that I’d rather lose your heart to someone else than lose your friendship. I’ve finally accepted the fact that you can bender love me more than I used to wish you would.
Her Happy Ever After
Cinderella and Snow white both found their prince
And both of them lived happily ever since
Reigning their kingdom in majesty
In the middle of the forest with a giant tree
Sleeping Beauty and Ariel found theirs too
On land and in the sea their wishes came true
With a help of a kiss and a magic shell
Love overcame the odds and broke the spell
On the other side of the world lives a lonely lass
Whose world is shattered in pieces like broken glass
Knights in shining armor keep passing her by
No one sweeping her off her feet and so she just cry
Her life is no fairy tale book that much is true
No magic wand or magic potions only a heart broken in two
She asks the stars in the sky for her happy ever after
Not even for a prince but just someone who would really love her
Just The Way It Is
You told me to write of something happy and I replied
How can I, when that feeling inside my heart has long died?
You told me to picture a life with a variety of hue
But how can I when all I see are the shades of blue?
You told me that life was full of so many things to live for
I dig down deep and yet I’m empty way down to the core
So much has happened and I’m forever changed
My heart is barely breathing, my life can’t be rearranged
How can someone, who’s now broken, learn to smile again?
A soul beyond repair, unable to be the way it was back then
My eyes speaks so much of the things I cannot say
Pain and anger I will take with me until my dying day
So tell me friend how would I know of joy and bliss
When my life has come down to the way it is
Wish I could go to a place, far way, where I could cry my pain and
let my heart break furtively. Away as possible from the memories
that reminds me so much of the love I never had, the love he never gave.
From where I sit I painted a vignette of you ever so clearly in my mind
and again the pain jabs in my heart, so sharp was it that it
caused a tear to fall to trickle down my face. I look up to the sky,
the evanescence of the light making the day more melancholic. I wanted
to make a wish but the stars are yet to dangle from the sky. I don't know
if wishing would make any difference. I guess it will only evince that
somewhere lurked inside my heart is the hope that one day he'll feel the same.
The sun begins to set, rays of them dancing in the water as I sit on this canoe
tacitly.. still yearning for that place, far away.... from the pain of not having
you love me.
When I loved You
When I loved you, I have learned the meaning of pain. I have felt it in my heart. Yes, I can feel it, but I've learned to show that I can't. I have mastered the art of concealing pain. I have learned everything there is to know about it except for one thing, trying to make myself believe that it isn't there...perhaps because it's just too much to ignore.
When I loved you, I had myself a heart that's broken into infinite pieces, I have learned to hide it and I wish I could learn to put it back together again and make it like it was.
When I loved you, I learned to smile without necessarily being happy. I have learned to wear a face aside of my own, a mask. I guess you can call me the great pretender.
When I loved you, I learned to cry, not with my eyes but with tears that seems to be invisible. I can't let you know, will never let you now, will never let you find out that I have had my heart broken…..when I loved you.
In the midst of the night
The moon came tonight, it was almost full illuminating the darkness that envelopes me. Peering through my window, I could see the stars hanging like diamonds looking down at me from up above. It was rather chilly as the wind blew gently across
my face, caressing my hair, as I held myself oh so tightly.
I could have appreciated the beauty of the scenery just outside my window if not for this pain drilling in my heart like a dagger. The radio has just started playing a sad song which caused a tear to fall, quickly I wiped it dry. Soon the other came in infinite numbers that there was no use brushing them away. I didn't even notice that I was already sobbing in the midst of the night...clutching my heart from my chest, for a love that someone couldn't give me.
Fast moving, dark clouds are hovering above me. The sky is about to cry
as the tears started to well my eyes. The rain poured the same time the
tears fell from my eyes. I feel that the heaven is sympathizing with me
as I mourn over my broken heart.
I can hear the tune of the raindrops the same time that I heard my heart
breaking. A gusty breeze embraced me, feeling the chill; I held my knees
closer to my chin. Then, visions of him came to my mind in a blur. I love
him but he loved me not. I had given him my heart but he has chosen to
keep his for no one to keep. A flash of lightning split the sky, then came
the thunder, so loud and yet all I could hear was my heart breaking,
calling his name.
The rain has stopped, the sky has no more tears to cry, but i still had many,
so I wept on. The sun has already shone but I still feel cold inside. The
birds were now singing but still it seems all I could hear was the hollow
thunder in my heart. The rain has stopped and now I wish I could also
stop from crying,over you and over my broken heart.
Photographs in My Head
Have you ever tried counting the stars up in the sky?
Well we all know that no matter how hard we try we
just can't. I've tried too hoping that by wishing on
each one of them it would make my tears stop and my
dreams come true. They are far too many, much like the
tears that fell abundantly for a broken heart he's caused.
No words then can eloquently describe how the pain inside
my heart made me feel so vulnerable like a little child.
Oftentimes I succumb to the pain, letting the tears flow
freely. Feeling like there were no more tears to cry and yet
they fell... one...two...three and so on...
All I knew then was that my heart is aching, that my dreams
have faded into oblivion and that I love him still in spite of
the broken heart and all. I smiled with tears at the happy
memories that came flashing through like photographs in
my mind, about the way it used to be when he loved me then.
And then the smile vanished leaving only the tears behind,
when I remembered that he has said goodbye. That he's
asked me to give him back his heart, to give it to someone else.
I started counting my tears again.. one... two ...three.... then I
lost track when a falling star came in sight. I made a wish and
then there were tears no more. In my heart I know someday
soon everything will be alright even if it means i would have to
live with just his memories...just these photographs in my head.
A Poem for the Unborn
Never will I see your eyes looking up at me
Nor will I get a chance to see your smile
Never will I get to feel your little hands in mine
No chance to hold you even for a while
No tomorrows for us to overcome yesterday
No memory of your cries will be traced
No hope for ever hearing your first word
No recognition of the first time we embraced
No freedom in not knowing how you'd look like
No rest for me now that you are gone
Forever sleepless nights thinking of you
Forever craving for things to be undone
No pictures of your "firsts" mounted on a frame
No cherished sounds of your laughter
No chance of feeling your heart beat with mine
No chance to ever know you, forever after
Without Him In it
To some people unrequited love may bring about great poetry but to most it only brings heart breaks. In my case, it bought both. Because of that love i cradle my heart all broken and because of the pain I had to write to ease it off. I guess in some ways, writing is my own little way of crying.
I gave him my heart in spite of my knowledge that he wouldn't give his to me... he has given it someone else. I wove dreams for him while he wove dreams for her, in spite of the truth that my dreams may never even come true. Yes, I continued loving him even though he didn’t love me in return. It felt so unfair, often times I ask myself "why can't he reciprocate the love, why can't he learn to love me too?” But all to my dismay the answers never came. I've tried everything from falling starts to wishing wells, but still he doesn't love me.
But even if he didn't, I never regret loving him, for the pain it brought made me realize so many things in life. I now know that love cannot be forced, it cannot be learned; it is either there or it isn't. In his part, sadly, it wasn't. That is why he couldn't give me what I wanted because he doesn't have it. I can't blame him for not loving me as I know i can't blame myself for loving him. But life has to go on even if it is one...without him in it.
And so another sad song played on the radio
Reminding me of the love that was, once upon a time ago
The painful lyrics slowly filled the cool night air
Reminding me of the love that's no longer there
It's been so long since he's gone away
And I can still vividly remember that day
He said goodbye and left me with just a memory
Leaving me sitting alone by the open sea
The seagulls then seemed to cry my pain
As they witnessed my tears fall down like rain
I etched our names on the sand inside a heart
But the waves came in and ruined my work of art
I thought that I was over you, but when I heard that song
I realized that my heart never was, all along
So as the music fill my room, I shall gently weep
Reminiscing the mem'ries he left that in my heart I keep.